Squeegee

So I was taking a shower the other night and I was thinking about how I couldn't wait to get done scrubbin' up so I could bust out my grandma's squeegee and wipe down the freshly moistened glass doors. yeahhh, wipe 'em up, reallll nice-like. I don't know why, but I've always taken such satisfaction and joy in going column by column from right to left (always. right. to. left.) down the glass panels magically wiping the wetness. It could be the same reason why I enjoy mowing the grass in nice evenly lined sections or something of that sort. But that's beside the point.

mmk.

With squeegee in hand, I begin to make right what was left by the evil shower head raining down aimlessly, but fortunately stopped by the wall of glass strategically set in place to prevent any unwanted leakage. The rhythmic beat of my squeege could be heard by my parents in the bedroom as they watch another episode of Law & Order: CI. Thud. Squeege. Flick...Thud. Squeege. Flick...Thud. Squeege. Flick. As I got to the end of the first panel, I thought to myself, "Man, it feels good to clean stuff." Thud. Squeege. Flick..."I wonder if this is how God feels when He's able clean us..?" Thud. Squeege. Flick...

hmm.

Thud. And there it was, I suddenly remembered the purpose for me squeegeeing the glass. 'So that dirt and grime wouldn't build up and that it would stay clean and i guess...semi-see through." The point that I'm trying to get at is that, basically, if we aren't continuously examining our hearts and motives, the dirt and grime will build up, creating a calloused heart and blind eyes. Without God manning the squeegie, cleaning up the mess that we go through every day in this world, the foggier things become and the farther we drift and lose sight of what is good and true. But the fact of the matter is, we try and try to scrub away at the mess we've let build up to no avail. It's not until I give the squeegee back to God and truly trust that He is the one who can "..blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!" [Psalm 51:1-2] that the work in me can even begin.

Squeege. And now the process of being made perfect, becoming a 'man after God's own heart', and a 'bond-servant' to Christ, which is not finished until that final day, standing there before the Lord hearing Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant, in you I am well pleased." This faith, which is one that few will find [Matthew 7:13-14], is one that I hope to have but will need to be continuously disciplined and pruned into the man God has made me to be.

Flick. My Pride and Prejudice. (lol jk.) My pride and fear of what I can't control/know. I guess you could say it's natural, but that makes it all the more harder to 'let go and let God deal wit' it' (a little bit of T.I.P. for all you rap fans). But seriously tho. Letting go. It is one of the hardest things I personally deal with and am constantly dealing with (and probably will for the rest of my life). Whether it be a past relationship, time for a friend in need, money for the poor, or most importantly the pride in my relationship with God, it's hard to give it up. But thankfully we have a Father who disciplines us for our good [Hebrews 12:7].

So I guess until that day, the monotonous beat of life will go on, with God at the helm, working and planning. His steadfast love refining my faith so that it would be worth more than gold or silver. All with squeegie in hand, not missing a beat...

Thud. Squeege. Flick...

persevere

PB&J All Day Every Day -- Day 1

I'd say Daniel's post sums up what I would like to say on this subject more than anything I could ever write, so read it instead (if you haven't already): herecomesdaniel

pretzels, cheeto puffs, apple, crackers. those are the things God has graciously provided for me by other people today (thanks Neil and Lily).

give yourself to the hungry. Isaiah 58:10-12

turn to Jesus.

I Will Not Take My Love Away

I think it's kind of funny how we tend to contextualize songs to fit our own lives to describe how we are feeling and give us something to relate to. To feel a deep "connection" with the artist's "bleeding love" or how "everything's gotten so complicated"...etc. It's an inexplicable phenomenon that I really don't have an answer to, but I guess it's in the same way, the reason why people tend to use eisegesis when studying the Bible. Hmmmm...wonder if it has anything to do with the nature of humans to be inherently selfish? or I'm just reading into it too much, who knows? Anyway. I only say these things because I had previously fallen victim of selfishly applying a song/wanting to learn to play a song because I thought it'd be the perfect way to "woo" some girl with such a melodic masterpiece...pfft...pretty lame huh? But seriously though. Here is the song (by Matt Wertz):

I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
while the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need
I will not take my love away

When I first heard this song, I was seriously excited about wanting to learn it so I could sing and play it to any prospective ladies that might be in the sea. So I grabbed my guitar and started learning the tabs. After I was getting the hang of it, I decided to look up the lyrics on google to see how they fit with the notes. It wasn't until i played the song again on my iTunes (for probably the 5th time) that I was hit with a Double Decker Bus of realization...Matt Wertz isn't singing about his love for some 'phooinneee chick'. But instead, he was singing about God's unconditional and unfailing love.

Realizing the true meaning (hopefully) of these lyrics literally, blew. my. mind. Not only because it was so well written, but at the fact that I could be sooo selfish and blind to see the truth that was being so sweetly sung to my ears, echoed into my poo of a brain and re-sung out of my own mouth (not so sweetly though). Its times like these where God really puts me back in my place. Luckily, it wasn't too harsh of a beating from the Father, but an eye opener and question raiser as to how sinful and selfish I tend to be.

It's cool to look back through a song like this and really think and dwell on the shear magnitude of God's love for us and that "while the whole world turns the other way" or when there's "no yield for what you've sown" He will "...not leave you all alone". Through "plenty or poverty" we should "Forever, always, look to [Him]" as the bride of Jesus Christ who was sent to this Earth as a ransom for our souls because our "God so loved the world, that He gave us His only begotten son, Jesus Christ..." [John 3:16-21]. So I thank you, Father, for your love endures forever.


And remember kids... "Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self!"

Repeat after Me...

Writer's Block. I suppose that's one way of explaining my inability or desire to write anything down, ever. or better yet, Mental Constipation. Something I've had a chronic problem of for about 20 years. My internal plumbing is all backed up, looking for some way out, but I just prairie dog it and just sleep it off hoping it'll fix itself. Which reminds me of this joke I saw... "What did the Left Butt Cheek say to the Right Butt Cheek? 'If we stick together we can stop this sh*doot*!'". So the Left Cheek could be equated to my pride and the Right Cheek my fear, stubbornness, idiocy, ignorance, greed, jealousy, hate...or whatever, I'm just sayin'.. all working together for what I'd like to think is 'my good' by neatly bottling up and storing away all the boo-boo in my life. But the sad thing (and I guess awesome too, if you think about it) is that it all finds a way of coming out, and when it does come time to deal with it, I'm on my porcelain throne all day wondering why on Earth this could be happening, pleading to God to make it all stop...or maybe that just me.

Which brings me to where I am now, reigning as the High and Mighty King seated on his throne ready to tear it up like a trucker at a bus stop after an all you can eat buffet at Golden Corral and a painful 5 hour drive. There is so much going on in my noggin that I don't even know where or how to begin, but the one thing that's been on my mind most recently has to deal with trust.

^{Proverbs 3:5-8 (English Standard Version)
5}Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
⁷Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
⁸It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

For some reason, this verse kept popping into my head and out of habit, I just dismiss it like every other thought that crosses my mind that I find unimportant at the time. However, when I actually came around and thought about what it meant to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart" I had to do something that I miserably fail to do all too often.
Stop.
and.
Think.
Actually take the time to examine my own heart, look at my own motives and truly see where I am putting the trust of my heart upon. Initially, I was quick to give the answer we all strive and hope to have, which is of course in our Father, God, but honestly, He is not always the first on my list. This then got me thinking again. How much of my own faith is just spoon-fed teachings that I've been content with and hold onto because I fall into the lies of just "doing enough to be comfortable" or the "bare-minimum to be happy" and not personally delve into the Word with a deep and burning desire to truly be a man after God's own heart. A man who "...leans not on his own understanding..." but on that of God's every word. Woe is me! I am ruined for I am a man of unclean lips! With the same mouth I thank God for all that he's graciously blessed me with one breath and question his love and kindness with the next! What's up with all this wishy-washy-ness!? It's that stupid roller coaster of faith all over again. I judge my faith and love for God based upon how I'm feeling still. I'm the whorish bride of Jesus Christ sleeping around with Joel Osteen and the "Be a Victor Ministries", jumping ship whenever the going gets tough. It sounds bad, but it's all too true.

Father, I confess with not only my mouth, but with all my heart, that I don't trust you with all that I am. I am like a wave in the sea being beaten, pounded and thrown around by the strongest of winds without any refuge in sight. But I pray your Holy Spirit would guide me, continually pointing my thoughts, actions and ultimately my life back to You. Help me in my unbelief, that I may trust in You and lean not on my own understanding.